Had the weirdest dream last night where President Fruit Face announced that he abducted the leader of another country. Weird. Right?

MAGA: I have locked us all in this room and nobody can leave unless you let me drown this baby.

DEMS: Obviously no what the fuck

MAGA: Okay then I guess it's your fault we're locked in then.

DEMS: You're the one who locked the door.

MAGA: Yeah but you won't let us drown this baby tho so this is entirely your fault.

DEMS: You literally have all the power. You have all the keys.

MAGA: C'mon man just let us drown this baby we really really wanna! And then we can all go home for Christmas!

DEMS: Wait... What's that smell? Smells like... smoke?

MAGA: Oh yeah the house is on fire. Probably should've mentioned that.

DEMS: ON FIRE?? JESUS CHRIST WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!!

MAGA: Yeah I know man, too bad you won't just let us drown this baby. Looks like we're all going to burn instead.

DEMS: Look just give me the baby and unlock the door. We still have time to get out of here alright!

MAGA: sigh no can do, buckaroo. See, this baby? It's gotta get drowned first, one way or another.

DEMS: BUT WHY THOUGH

MAGA: Yanno...just seems like the right thing to do. Sort of like that time I set the house on fire.

DEMS: You're fucking insane.

MAGA: Oh real mature, asshole. Calling us names at a time like this with the house on fire, and this baby STILL not drowned.

DEMS: Oh shit I just remembered, the fire extinguisher! Remember that fire extinguisher I bought us a few years ago? Do we still have that?

MAGA: Oh this? Yep still got it. It's awesome by the way.

DEMS: Oh thank Christ we're saved!

MAGA: But obviously we can't use it.

DEMS: WHY THE FUCK NOT

MAGA: Because it's for EMERGENCIES you dummy. Jeez Louise do I have to do all the thinking around here?

DEMS: THIS IS A FUCKING EMERGENCY YOU DILDO

MAGA: You're always so emotional. That's why nobody likes you.

DEMS: If. You. Use. The. Fire. Extinguisher. Nobody. Dies. And. Everyone. Can. Leave.

MAGA: Or you could just let me drown this baby.

DEMS: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

MAGA: Okay look we'll take a vote on it. All in favor of letting us drown this baby?

DEMS: NO!

8 DEMS: maybe

DEMS: what the fuck was that?

8 DEMS: let's at least hear him out.

DEMS: Yes let's hear out the psychopath who set the house on fire and wants to drown a baby. Great idea.

MAGA: Ok ok look I can see we're close to agreement here, so

DEMS: The fuck we are.

MAGA: So... I propose a compromise. I'll unlock the door and stop setting any more fires, and we can figure out whether to drown this baby later.

DEMS: Absolutely the fuck no.

8 DEMS: how much later.

MAGA: idk maybe tomorrow or next week or something?

DEMS: You know you can't trust them, right? Tell me you know you can't trust them.

MAGA: Depends on how quickly I can gather some more kindling and matches.

DEMS: What the fuck was that?

MAGA: Nothing. You're hearing things. So do we have a deal?

DEMS: NO

8 DEMS: yes

MAGA: Great! Let me just drown this baby real quick and we can all get out of here!